What if you could really live by what's deepest in your heart?

After 12 years of being a nonprofit leader and nine more years of being a coach for nonprofit leaders, I decided to set up this site which I hope you'll find helpful.

Over time I'll be adding more pages with lots of how-tos. But the how-tos are secondary, because...

What matters is you.

Or more specifically...

What matters is what's deepest in your heart.

There's nothing on this site more important to me than this one sentence.

Which is why, if you're leading social change work, or will be in the future...

I want you to put yourself first.

In the nonprofit world this is a radical thing to do. I know that. I know how much our sector still runs on shoulds:

You should put your work ahead of yourself.

You should keep on working no matter how much you're hurting.

You should always come last after you've taken care of everyone else.

Back when I was a leader, I believed in these shoulds. They determined how I lived. Here we are years later, and it makes me sad to see our leaders still living by them or having to fend them off.

And the worst thing is these shoulds rarely have to be spoken out loud. That's how embedded they are in our culture. They operate in the background where it's hard to get at them.

What they create is sacrifice:

You have to produce results no matter what price you pay personally.

Sacrificial leadership is still the most common way of leading a nonprofit. It's still the default. I know there are people who argue sincerely in favor of sacrifice and even find something sacred in it.

I know this in quite a personal way because I used to be one of them. I've seen the results sacrifice can generate. But I also know the toll it takes on the leaders who are actually doing the sacrificing—as opposed to the people sitting on the sidelines urging them on.

So please know that sacrifice is something I just can't support anymore, and that my perspective, which is "people first" rather than "work first," shapes every page on this site.

What about putting the mission first? Some people argue for that.

I believe in the discipline of mission. Mission is where organizational health comes from. Whenever I see a nonprofit swamped by personality battles, I take that as a sure sign that people have lost touch with the mission, that it has become a decoration rather than the vigorous guide for daily decision making that we need it to be.

Deep accountability to the mission cures many, many ills. It's a blessing for any leader. You can't create a sustainable organization without it. And you can't go soaring without it.

So I say a big yes to mission discipline. But there's one more chapter to this story, the first one:

Where does mission come from?

It comes from our hearts. Hearts that call us to heal our communities and the world.

So now we're back to you because you are the source of mission. You choose it. You shape it. You deepen it. You articulate it. You fight for it.

That means that you matter more than the mission, because without you there would be no mission. And you matter more than the work, because without you there would be no work.

The state of your organization is tremendously important, but the state of your heart is even more important.

And if you burn out, if you turn bitter, then we've lost what is most precious to us.

In the years I've been a life coach, more than 95% of my clients have been nonprofit leaders, mostly executive directors, but also program directors, development directors, and foundation executives.

In every session I get the backstage view of their lives, and I've got to say it's a very different sight than the picture-perfect portrayal of leadership that we see in so many how-to books.

True leadership is a thrilling, but complex and messy journey. It's not ten easy steps. Not even close.

And it's not for the timid. It challenges you in the deepest ways possible. And in response, you get to discover talents you didn't know you had. You get to see yourself doing things you never imagined you could do. And you get to find a kind of satisfaction nothing else can give you.

But leading can also be discouraging, even treacherous.

So it means the world to me to be there for leaders when they're hurting...

when they feel beaten down,

when they think they can't take one more day of this,

when their kids are upset because mom's never home,

when they're being bullied by Board members,

when they're being attacked by staff,

when they're in tears and can hardly speak.

And I love being there with leaders when they're soaring...

when they discover their personal courage,

when they break free of sacrifice,

when they claim their full-on power,

when they get good at hiring the right people,

when they attract kindred spirits to their Board,

when they find their own way of asking for money and it works,

when they learn from pleasure instead of from struggle,

when they're so happy they can't find the words for it.

It's all the hours I've spent with leaders in personal, intimate conversation that makes me want for you what I want for them...

I want you to not get hurt.

and

I want you to soar.

In a way it's just that simple...

I want you to be a force to reckon with, not a burnout.

Now let me ask you this: How come putting yourself first does not turn you into a self-centered egomaniac verging on arrogance?

If you're like the leaders I work with, if you feel yourself deeply called to social change and social justice, then...

You have a need to make a difference.

You have a need to stop the suffering you see in the world.

You have a need to change how power works so it doesn't go on hurting people or killing the planet.

And this need runs deep. It's not optional. It's who you are.

You don't need anyone to hammer you with shoulds because your heart shows you the way.

I have no hesitation, none at all, in saying I want you to put yourself first. That's because we're not talking about some superficial, self-aggrandizing version of your ego.

We're talking about your deepest self. And that includes your need to make a difference.

I want us to trust in this need. I want us to have faith in our hearts. Because when we do, our work wins and it wins bigger.

A hundred shoulds don't have the same power as this one need. We can drive ourselves with shoulds, but we can't sustain ourselves with them. We can't love ourselves with them.

Dilemma
As you can see, I'm a big fan of the need to make a difference. But not if it travels alone. Because if you only listen to that one need by itself, then you're headed down the road to sacrificial leadership.

So we're going to add a second need into the picture. But, guess what, when we do we have a dilemma. I believe it's the central dilemma of social change work.

And it's in resolving this seeming opposition that we become whole as leaders:

ONE:  I need to make this suffering stop—whatever it takes.
We witness suffering and feel compelled to do something about it. I remember when my friend Kate and I started our nonprofit to take child abuse prevention programs into the schools, our decision came from one core impulse: "This abuse has to stop. It just has to."

We put together long eloquent paragraphs about why we were doing what we were doing and why people should join us and make donations.

But when all was said and done, it really was this basic and this primal: "Abuse has to stop. Children have to be safe."

In short order our work became very successful. Kids were actually saving their own lives from what they learned in our programs. They were getting away from kidnappers and molesters. Kids being abused at home were getting help for themselves and their families.

The more success we had the harder it became to say no to people who wanted more. How could we possibly turn our backs on kids who needed our program just because we were maxxed out?

TWO:  I need to sustain—whatever it takes.
There's this life force in us. It's also demanding. It's also primal. And it says, "I want you to take care of yourself. Just because. Just because you're a real person with real needs.

"And I want you to take care because I see how much this work means to you and I want you to sustain and love it and do it for years to come, not crash and burn."

We could ask: "How do we find the balance between these two different needs?" But let's not, because that's an oppositional question.

Instead let's ask:

How do we turn these two primal forces into a partnership?

When your work and your life stop fighting each other and start feeding each other, both do so much better. You get to be happier and, at the same time, way more effective.

Danger
In this world of ours, suffering is being mass produced faster than all our nonprofits put together can possibly keep up with, even if we doubled or tripled our services. And what do we make of that?

Why is it that people around the world are suffering not just by the millions but by the billions?

Why are things like racism, poverty, exploitation, and genocide—ugly names for ugly things—so resilient? Why do they grind on and on? Why do they have a kind of immortality?

Where do they come from in the first place?

And how can we stop them at their source?

If we want to be more effective in our work, we need to understand the genesis of suffering, but...

Going down to the source is dangerous.

When social change leaders dig deep, what they are really doing is...

Going into the worst of being human to bring out the best.

Going into toxic territory with their hearts open.

Getting intimate with evil, so they can stop it.

I can't think of any work more heroic.

Or more risky.

If you want to stop rape, racism, poverty, hunger, or war, if you really want to stop them, not just make adjustments, not just make things a little better, you have to get to know the ugliest parts of human nature.

And the more effective you want to be, the deeper you have to dig.

To say this is risky is an understatement. It can shake you to your core. You might see more than you're ready to see. Your sense of hope might be put in jeopardy.

So this is not a place to go lightly.

Or alone. For the deeper we go, the more we need each other.

Leaders not saviors
Suppose we were chosen to write the screenplay for a movie about a nonprofit leader.

We'd start with who. We'd start with the main character and what matters to her so much that she's ready to fight for it.

Then we add in challenge. It makes sense why we'd need this to keep the audience engaged:

Imagine a nonprofit ED who gets up in the morning and the sun is shining and her kids are already showered and dressed and humming merrily down in the kitchen as they pack their lunches keeping one eye on the clock so they'll get off to school on time.

Our ED meanwhile has a leisurely breakfast, then bicycles down to the office ten minutes away. She opens the front door and there's her staff marching about singing the chorus to Oklahoma! as they open the windows, turn on the computers, fire up the xerox machine, and get ready for the day's work.

At ten o'clock the mail comes and here's a check for $50,000. It's three months into the fiscal year and she's already made her budget.

How boring! I mean, really. Would we want this plot for our script? No way! There's no conflict, no change in the lead character, no transformation.

But what about a life? Would this make a good life?

Of course, there might be days when we'd give almost anything to have it be this easy, or days when we'd even be happy just to escape into this fantasy for a few minutes.

Yet in real life, we have a need for challenge, because that's what calls us forth. It's in rising to the occasion that we become who it's possible for us to be.

It's in taking action, it's in putting our hands on the world and trying to change it, that our character incarnates.

We are developmental beings. Growing is something we need. Not every minute of every day. But we need enough of it, because this is what gives that special edge to our aliveness.

But there's something else, too. We don't really have a choice. That's because...

Social change work is supremely challenging. Supremely.

Nonprofits often seek saviors rather than leaders just because the challenge is so great.

What do I mean by "savior"? Someone flying solo, sacrificing herself, trying to save the day. Just look at the job ads for executive directors. Many of them are really ads for miracle workers with superhuman abilities who are masters of every best practice known to humankind.

The problem is that we don't achieve mastery first and then take on challenges. We develop mastery by taking on challenges.

I believe social change leadership is something we have to grow into, and keep growing into.

Which means...

It's okay to have limitations.

It's okay to be learning as you go.

It's okay to have vulnerabilities.

It's okay to be human.

I hope that every day you'll remember this, so that every day you'll treat yourself with...

Affectionate respect.

And I hope you'll take a stand for being a leader not a savior. Which means...

You don't have to do everything yourself.

You don't have to be lonely at the top.

You get to have company, people behind the scenes with you who see not just the results of your work but what it takes for you to get those results.

You get to challenge people instead of saving them, challenge them to bring their heart and their smarts and join you in making the kind of difference you want to make.

Every time a leader submits to the pressure to be a savior, she's going to be judging herself against standards that are impossible and inhuman, and that's going to hurt her.

You'll see on this site that I believe in preparing yourself to lead as much as you possibly can. I believe in being conscious and purposeful about developing mastery. I don't want to underestimate the importance of this.

But still, what matters most is the who, what's inside you. That's what drives the story:

When Kate and I became leaders we had no idea what we were getting into. We were so naïve. Not only had we not mastered all the best practices, we didn't even know what they were.

And yet, we gathered people who shared our fierce commitment to stopping abuse. And all of us together built a statewide movement. And together we trained over four million children in self-defense.

I wish Kate and I had known then what we know now. Those years could have been so much easier and we could have been so much more effective. But in the midst of all the mistakes we made and all the messiness, what gave us success was who we were and how we stood by each other.

Nonprofit leaders tend to be very hard on themselves, so I want to make a special plea that you always take very good care of yourself, remembering that you are the source.

And remembering, too, that leadership is a journey. I know the journey thing has become a cliché, but it's still true and it still matters. Leadership is an ongoing story of development and discovery.

I know some remarkably successful leaders. Not one of them is a miracle worker, but every one of them is remarkable in working from her strengths, and finding her way forward decision by decision, and learning from every action she takes. Which means that with each passing day she becomes more capable.

When a leader takes care of herself, when she honors herself like that, then she can help her staff do the same.

She inspires them not just with her words but by how she lives. Putting yourself first in the way I'm talking about, means everyone around you gets stronger, too. And then you get to be a leader of leaders instead of a leader of burnouts.

Finally, I want to say please don't hide your light under a bushel...

The work you do runs deep. It comes from your core. It's an expression of your love. I want you to be seen for that—simply because it's true.

And because...

If you aren't seen for who you are,

you can't attract kindred spirits,

and if you can't attract kindred spirits,

you can't lead.

If you believe in meeting the basic human needs of every person on this Earth, if you're working to stop exploitation no matter what form it takes, if you want compassion to triumph, then...

I want you to be as powerful as you can be—personally, professionally, and politically.

If you are someone who takes the world to heart, that's such a risky thing, such a courageous thing, such a precious thing.

My wish is that you take yourself to heart, too.

—Rich

510-663-3555
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What to click on next?

Here are three recommendations:

You can check out the "Top Issues" nav bar above.

You can look at the page on Your Leadership Operating System which is a core part of this site.

If you're interested in the coaching I do, you can click here.
If you'd like to get a boost of inspiration, there are lots of stories on this page about leaders taking very good care of themselves.

© 2008 Rich Snowdon