The staff you want
When an ED calls me and asks...
My response is:
Because why put up with difficult staff at all?
Now, I'm not talking about personality quirks or idiosyncracies of temperament. And I'm not talking about people with great attitudes who are putting their hearts into the work but still have things to learn.
When I use the term "difficult," I use it to describe a person who...
Gossips, spreads rumors, acts out personal dramas, and never gets much work done.
Keeps everyone in an uproar.
Opposes you and fights with you.
Uses relational aggression to create a culture of fear.Can you afford to have even one such person in your nonprofit?
Think about how hard you work to raise money for your mission. Then think about how it feels to turn around and hand a paycheck to someone who is hurting you and hurting your staff.
Instead of managing a difficult person, I recommend calling the question. Either...
Or he leaves.
In this series of pages on staffing, I'm going to show lots of direct conversations designed to help people get on the team and ace their jobs. And it's such a pleasure when with a little bit of forthright and compassionate communication you can help someone turn into a success.
Of course there are times when someone refuses to be part of the team and you have to let them go. But even that can be done with kindness and without judgment.
Let me say something more about this word "difficult." It's a very common description for staff who we find troubling or problematic. But it has a judgmental edge to it. It can sound like we're saying this person is a bad person. And that's neither helpful nor relevant.
What matters is whether this person is a match for the mission, the work, and the culture. If he is, cool.
If not, then something has to change. Maybe there is something we can do to help him get on the team and enjoy being on the team. And maybe there's not. But even when it comes to a firing, we can still do that with with compassion and without judgment.
But dealing with the individual one to one is only a part of the answer.
The culture of your nonprofit has a lot to do with how well people perform. It makes all the difference in the world what operating system you're using.
But the sustainable operating system, which is based on mission discipline, puts a stop to such things.
That's because you can't run destructive games on this operating system. You just can't. And the same is true for the soaring operating system.
Developing a positive organizational culture is one of the best gifts you can give your staff. It helps everyone be at their best.
Now let's look at two very different approaches to developing your personnel system:
Many management books recommend doing exactly this. The underlying assumption is that you have to get work out of people who don't want to do the work and who are only there for the paycheck. This perspective creates a culture based on antagonism.
2. You design everything around supporting your stars.
You recruit people who are sincerely committed to the mission in the first place. You hire people who do not like relational aggression and do not practice it. Together you create a culture of mission discipline which nurtures the people on staff as it nurtures the work.
This means that you spend your prime time and energy supporting your stars. You don't let a difficult person take up all your attention and suck you into distress.
When I talk about stars, I mean...
These are ordinary human beings with all their personal limitations, but with a sincere passion for the mission. And a passion for working with you not against you.
When I say "stars," I'm not talking about the people we sometimes see in the public spotlight who are driven by ego and addicted to fame.
I'm simply talking about staff who are called to the mission and care about the people they work with and give you their best and love doing that. We could call them "top performers" or "excellent staff." I just happen to like to call them stars.
Imagine a team made up entirely of stars where everyone looks forward to coming to work each morning. because they don't want to miss a moment of what's going on because what's going on is so good. I know organizations that are like this and they are a delight.
It's not a mystery how to create a team of stars. It takes work, of course, but it's work that's innately rewarding.
So let's jump into it. First I'm going to talk about what stars need. Then I'll get into hiring, firing, and staff development.
I'm going to include lots of dialogues along the way to help you get a feel for the key principles, which are:
Focus on the match between the mission and the person. That's the key to making decisions about staff.
Be an advocate for the staff person no matter what. Even if you are firing them.
Keep judgment entirely out of any conversation with staff. This gives you your best chance at making and sustaining a positive connection.
There's one more thing I want to emphasize. If you have to deal with difficult staff, there are times when it makes sense to use the Wizard of Oz approach to management....
You stay behind the curtain. You remain distant and dispassionate. You don't want to get too close to the staff person because he's not fun and you don't want to give him a chance to hurt you any more than he already has.
But distant and dispassionate sure doesn't work with stars. It makes them feel lonely. It kills their motivation.
And think about who you want to be. Do you want to be a leader who keeps everyone at arm's length out of a concern for self-protection?
Or do you want to be person-to-person leader? Do you want to come out from behind the personnel curtain? Do you want to engage? Do you want your stars to love working for you?
That's what this page is about.
What do stars need so they will keep on being stars?
There are experts who urge you to manage your staff with rules, regulations, incentives, and watching every move they make.
In short, command and control. Which I always think is so contrary to the spirit of social change work.
Practitioners of C&C say the only alternative to their approach is to let people do whatever they want, which is no way to run a business. And of course, it isn't.
But there's another option. A great one. A sweet one.
Because...
If stars are getting their core needs met, they keep on giving you star behavior.
Here are the three needs I focus on for social change work:
I put this first because it is first. It's the context for the others. It's the deal-maker and the deal-breaker.
Because if there's one of your staff who doesn't have a compelling need to contribute to your mission, why is she there?
If she doesn't have a compelling relationship with the mission, how can she be happy working in a place that's all about the mission?
Stars thrive on making a difference. That's what makes them happy. Some people are fine just talking about the mission. Stars need to live it. They need to.
2. The need to grow.
Stars want to grow. First, there's just the personal pleasure of it. It feels so good to know that today you are stronger and more capable than you were yesterday. It feels so good to know that over time you're achieving mastery. And to know that as you grow, you're opening up bigger possibilities for your future.
But there's another reason, too. When someone grows in her abilities, she can then make an even bigger difference for the mission. Which means she's now meeting need #1 in a deeper way.
3. The need to be seen for who we are so we can connect with kindred spirits.
We all have a need to be seen for who we are. And if we care about social change work, then doing that work is one great way to be seen. It's a way of connecting deeply with like-minded people. It's a way to build lasting friendships.
At the same time, the more your staff are seen for who they are, the more they naturally attract additional kindred spirits to your work.
When your staff are seen for who they are, they are more effective organizers, which is the key to building your movement. Which means the staff then get to make an ever bigger difference.
Now let's take a closer look at the need to be seen.
I believe that...
A star needs to be seen, received, and enjoyed.
This means:
1. You see her.
It's one thing to see the work. To see the results someone gets and give her a quick compliment.
But a star wants us to see her. To see her as a person.
What did it take to get those results?
What's the behind-the-scenes story?
Who did she have to be?
Stars need to be witnessed. That's so much more important to them than any number of "one-minute praisings."
Check out the difference between this praise:
"Great work today, Vicky. Really great. Just the best. Way to go. See you tomorrow."
And this conversation...
Marla: Hey, Vicky, Jamie told me that you got an overwhelming yes vote for our proposal at the coalition meeting. Congratulations!
And thank you! You've given a very important gift to our community. I really appreciate all your work on this.
Vicky: It was quite an afternoon.
Marla: That's what I wanted to talk with you about. Do you have time?
Vicky: Yes, I do. I need to unwind.
Marla: I'm wondering what it was like for you personally to go through that meeting. Start right at the beginning. I want to hear all of it. Especially if you had to deal with the Terrible Two. Okay?
Vicky: Okay. Well, the minute I walked in the door, there were Erick and Derrick glaring at me from across the room. I felt like my face was burning. I went over to the coffee table to try to regain my composure.
Erick came up to me looking right at me and bumped into me. An intimidation tactic. My coffee spilled so I had to go get a rag to clean it up which jangled me even more.
So I was shaking inside when it was time for me to present our proposal. But I kept fingering my locket. I have a picture of my mom in here. She was a woman who knew how to take a stand. She's my inspiration.
I took a deep breath and imagined she was sitting right there in the audience smiling at me.
My confidence gathered and I sounded pretty good. I took the time I needed to take and didn't rush through the presentation. I could feel two focused waves of intimidation coming at me. But somehow, they seemed to stop one inch short of where I stood. I didn't let them touch me.
So then I sat back down, and Derrick, ignoring the facilitator, immediately dressed me down about how dumb my ideas were and how stupid I was. Then Erick jumped in and picked up where Derrick left off.
There was an awful, frightened silence in the room. I didn't know if anyone was going to be brave enough to speak after that.
So I stood up again, and now people could hear my voice going a little wobbly. But I was mad, and I thought, I'm not going to let a couple bullies kill our work. I'm not going to let their out-of-control egos wreck something I believe in.
I said, "There's so much at stake here. I urge everyone to look into their hearts and say whey they need to say. Please tell us what's true for you about this proposal. I really want to hear from everyone."
One hand went up, that was Robbie, God bless him. Then two more, then a bunch, and then the discussion took off. It was a groundswell of support. Everyone was still conscious of the glare coming from the Two who kept whispering, smirking, and staring daggers. But every single person spoke. I was so proud of them.
I have to admit, I cried most of the way back to the office. But I'm never going to look at Erick and Derrick the same way ever again. When I stood my ground, they couldn't stop me. Suddenly their behavior just looked pitiful.
I got our vote and I shut down two people who have kept so many good things from happening in this community.
And from now on, I'm going to organize support before each meeting. I'm going to take the time to make a bunch of calls to pump up the courage in this group, including my own. I think this coalition is ready to take a big leap forward.
Marla: I'm so happy for you.
Vicky: Thanks. And thanks for all your support.
Marla: You're so welcome, and what a journey you took just in one afternoon.
Vicky: Yes, I think today was a really important turning point for me.
Marla: I can see that, and I'm looking forward to seeing what's next for you. And please continue to call on me anytime for whatever you need.
Vicki: I will.
Marla: I feel so thankful to know you.
Vicky. Wow. That means a lot to me.
2. You receive her.
Think about what' it's like to have someone listen to you so deeply and so well that you keep reaching deeper and telling more and surprising yourself with what you hear yourself saying. Think about how delicious it is.
That's what I mean by receiving someone.
You see her and what you see makes you want to see more.
In the conversation with Vicky, notice how Marla was silent once Vicky started telling her story. I wrote it that way because I wanted to illustrate that receiving someone does not necessarily mean that you're asking questions and interjecting responses. Sometimes you do that.
But the core part of receiving someone is a receptive presence. And you can communicate this with attentive silence as well as with words. As I wrote out the conversation, I was imagining that Vicky could feel Marla with her every step of the way.
Stars need this special kind of company—you get who they are and then getting who they are, want more.
3. You enjoy her.
We could stop at receiving, but let's not. There's one more sweet touch we can add.
Not only are you receiving this person, but you love it. You're jazzed. You see the light in her and you want to spend time in the glow.
This is not a strategy. It's simple, sincere enjoyment.
By contrast, think about what you're doing when you evaluate someone. You take a step back and make judgments. Even if you make positive judgments, they're still judgments.
That's the problem with praise. If I can say, "You're great," that means I can also say, "You stink." Either way I'm standing in a place of judgment while I'm talking with you.
Now I don't mean to say that we shouldn't do evaluations. Stars deserve to have their accomplishments documented and honored through the formal evaluation process.
And I don't mean to say we should never give praise. Praise can simply be a shorthand way of connecting when you don't have time for a longer conversation.
And there are plenty of times when we certainly don't mean praise as a judgment. Telling someone, "You're great," is sometimes just a way of saying, "I like you" or "I believe in you."
But still, there's something better than praise and evaluation. Notice the difference in the feeling between these two statements:
I'm going to evaluate you.
I want to be with you.
Enjoying someone is a special way of being with her.
It's a way of celebrating who she is.
It's a way of deepening your relationship with her.
It's a way of helping her stop and be with herself, so she doesn't speed past the moment, so she doesn't miss herself.
People are hungry for this kind of connection. Especially stars who, ironically, might feel lonely in the midst of adulation if people are seeing their work, but not seeing them.
That's the background on the star-based approach to staffing. Now let's take that perspective and look at the following things:
Hiring
The staff you want, Part 2
Firing
The staff you want, Part 3
Staff development
The staff you want, Part 4
© 2008 Rich Snowdon
